This past weekend I had quite the eventful trip to my brother’s wedding.  So eventful, in fact, that I am only now beginning to recuperate.  At any event, I was very honored to be there and to be able to say a few words.  Here is my speech (original emphases from my notes):

Thank you all for coming to honor Chase and Gretel on their day. Chase, I’m glad to see you made it, and on time, too. Gretel, I think you’ve made a wise choice in a husband. It has been a privilege to watch Chase grow from a little pest that I couldn’t seem to get away from to a man for whom I have a great deal of respect and count one of my best friends. Sometimes it seems like he spent the first 15 years looking up to me and now these past 10 years or so I’ve been looking up to him.

I’d like to take a few minutes to do what big brothers do best and give you a bit of advice that I’ve learned.

You remember when you were having trouble in CA and you weren’t sure what the future held for you and Gretel. I told you something I sincerely think is true, love is not mainly an EMOTION we feel but a CHOICE we make. You will probably have many times when you don’t feel like loving each other. That is precisely when you must dwell on what you have promised today, and on the GOD who designed marriage and will give you the strength to overcome your difficulties. The THOUGHTS on which you focus will become your AFFECTIONS, and your AFFECTIONS will then drive your ACTIONS.

Second, your marriage is NOT primarily about YOU.

God ordained marriage as a symbol and a picture of His love for us and our response to Him. Christian marriage is one of the HIGHEST acts of WORSHIP you can perform in life. Gretel, when you submit to Chase and Chase, when you sacrifice your wants, needs and resources to Gretel, you are displaying for those around you the love that exists between God and man. Your love for each other will serve as a witness to the love that God wants to extend to EACH of us through a relationship to His Son, a love that will never fade or lose its luster. As you build your family, you are painting a picture of God building His heavenly family; you are rehearsing creation.

The last thing I’d like to mention that I’ve learned is that it is not Gretel’s job to make you happy. The best way you can love and serve her is to release her to God and to guard your heart against making her an idol. I recently, came across the poem Love Her More and Love Her Less by John Piper on the occasion of his son’s wedding, which so eloquently states my point:

And so we met in recent days,
And made the flood of love and praise
And counsel from a father’s heart
To flow within the banks of art.
Here is a portion of the stream,
My son: a sermon poem. It’s theme:
A double rule of love that shocks;
A doctrine in a paradox:

If you now aim your wife to bless,
Then love her more and love her less.

If in the coming years, by some
Strange providence of God, you come
To have the riches of this age,
And, painless, stride across the stage
Beside your wife, be sure in health
To love her, love her more than wealth.

And if your life is woven in
A hundred friendships, and you spin
A festal fabric out of all
Your sweet affections, great and small,
Be sure, no matter how it rends,
To love her, love her more than friends.

And if there comes a point when you
Are tired, and pity whispers, “Do
Yourself a favor. Come, be free;
Embrace the comforts here with me.”
Know this! Your wife surpasses these:
So love her, love her, more than ease.

And when your marriage bed is pure,
And there is not the slightest lure
Of lust for any but your wife,
And all is ecstasy in life,
A secret all of this protects:
Go love her, love her, more than sex.

And if your taste becomes refined,
And you are moved by what the mind
Of man can make, and dazzled by
His craft, remember that the “why”
Of all this work is in the heart;
So love her, love her more than art.

And if your own should someday be
The craft that critics all agree
Is worthy of a great esteem,
And sales exceed your wildest dream,
Beware the dangers of a name.
And love her, love her more than fame.

And if, to your surprise, not mine,
God calls you by some strange design
To risk your life for some great cause,
Let neither fear nor love give pause,
And when you face the gate of death,
Then love her, love her more than breath.

Yes, love her, love her, more than life;
O, love the woman called your wife.
Go love her as your earthly best.

Beyond this venture not. But, lest
Your love become a fool’s facade,
Be sure to love her less than God.

It is not wise or kind to call
An idol by sweet names, and fall,
As in humility, before
A likeness of your God. Adore
Above your best beloved on earth
The God alone who gives her worth.
And she will know in second place
That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven’s Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life,
That you may give it to your wife.

The greatest gift you give your wife
Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love her more by loving less.

Make God the center of each of your individual lives, and I promise that He will also become the center of your marriage and that your relationship will thrive. To Chase and Gretel, may you worship well.